The day of our Malibu Half Marathon, we woke up at 4AM and then drove out to Zuma Beach to get ready for our half marathon. We arrived at dark which meant that we had the chance to watch the most beautiful sunrise while we were standing along the Malibu coastline. Since we were there about two hours earlier than the race starting, we were ended up standing around taking photos and letting the anticipation build up of having to run 13.1 miles.
We eventually lined up and I decided that I would run in wave 2 which was the 2 to 2:30 group. When it was finally time to start running, we crossed the starting line and I began my 13.1 mile trek.
I first started the right next to the 2:20 pacers and started moving forward. I tried so hard to keep pace and make sure I was keeping steady but kept finding myself moving forward a little faster and eventually I was past the 2:10 pacers and catching up to the 2 hour pacers. I never quite made it to them but I stayed well ahead of the 2:10 pacers for about 8 miles.
Around mile 5, I started seeing my friends on their way back from turnaround which meant that they were well over half way. I saw a steady stream of my friends running past me which encouraged me because it meant that I was closer to the turnaround which would mean that I was almost half way through.
When I hit mile 6, I had to start walking. Running up the rolling hills really were getting to me and I had a hard time keeping pace up the hills and that’s when I started breaking down. The heat started getting to me, the hills were kicking my butt and I was starting to feel demotivated. The 30 minutes I had planned between each of my energy chews felt longer and longer and I kept checking my watch which didn’t help with my motivation. By the time I hit mile 8, the 2:10 pacers had paced me and I knew that I was slowing down drastically.
At mile 9, I hit my wall. And by hitting my wall, I mean I ran face first into a wall of sadness and depression. I’ve heard about this wall but I have never experienced it before. This wall led me to walking and to the point of crying. All I wanted to do was cry and stop. I felt my eyes tearing up, my legs giving away and the blister on my feet starting to form. I felt demotivated, and my mind started to wander away from me into a very dark place. I wanted to call an Uber or a Lyft to come and pick me up, I almost wanted to stop by one of the volunteers and ask for help to get me a ride back to the finish line. I couldn’t stop thinking about how disappointed I would be when I didn’t finish, I kept telling myself that I regretted everything and that I wanted to end this. I was going to be an embarrassment to all of my friends and I couldn’t believe I had let people convince me to do this. That’s right, my wall led me to stop taking responsibility for my own actions and that’s when I realized what I was doing. I realized that I was in a bad place and I had to move my butt and finish.
Around mile 10, I started running again, slowly but I started running again. The 2:20 pacers passed me, my legs started throbbing more than they have ever throbbed, my knees and hips started screaming but I needed to continue moving so I did. I tried to speed up and pass the 2:20 pacers, so I passed them around mile 11 but at mile 12, I was done.
I saw the line of spectators for mile 12 and so I started running again but I couldn’t catch up to the 2:20 pacers at this point but I knew I had to finish strong. I passed the last line of spectators and there was a brief moment where the we had to turn back around and there were no spectators so I started walking again. As soon as I was within view of the fences, I started running again and eventually made my way across the finish line.
I ended with an end time of 2 hours and 23 minutes.
It was terrible but so good at the same time. It was terrible because everything hurt and all I wanted to do was sit down. But it was so good because I had just run 13.1 miles and I had finally finished something I never thought I could ever do.