Making friends as an adult

I’ve always joked that I don’t need more friends because making friends is too hard so my current friends are stuck with me. The one thing about that joke that has backfired is the fact that I never planned on actually leaving my friends and moving to a new city. So now that I’ve done that, I have to make new friends. And now, to make new friends as an adult… It is something I feel like I don’t know how to do. When you’re in school, people are forced to be your friend. You start school at the same time, you have your community and you have something in common whether it’s your major, your extracurriculars, classes, etc.

Now that I moved for a job, it feels significantly more difficult to make friends. Yes I have work friends, but I’m not paying to be here. Instead people are paying me. That means, I don’t get to sit and just learn about people, I don’t have the opportunities to forge non-work related relationships because I have a job to get done. I am new so therefore my efforts are focused on being good at my job, proving that I was a good hire, showing that I’m worth keeping on the team and trying to learn as fast as humanly possible.

I’ve spent the vast majority of my second week at work eating alone or eating at my desk.  This typically would be something I could handle if I were at my old job, but at the new company, it is significantly more obvious if you are not eating with others because all of our tables are put into small groups.  Therefore, if you’re the loner sitting by yourself, you’re actually the person who has taken up space where a group of four could actually be sitting.

Now don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy the people that sit around me at work.  They’re all super nice, they’re funny and they’ve been great to get to know but they’re all established in their friendships at work. So that means, it is even more obvious that I am the new kid at work.

Each day, work gets a little easier because I can start to figure out what I’m doing and I can actually understand a small percentage of the conversations.  But each day, I get a little more homesick and doubting whether I made the right decision. The logical side of me knows that I made the right decision but the emotional side of me doubts it with every passing moment.  I know that it’s still new and I’m still adjusting to my new life but I just don’t think I was quite prepared for this. If anyone has tips on how to make new friends, let me know.  I’m new to this…


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